Ever try something that didn’t turn out the way you wanted? I don’t know a single human being who can answer that question with a no. We have all failed at something. Failure is a natural part of trying things, and yet, we treat it like something that should be avoided, that should be forgotten, that should be shrouded in shame.
I recently took a course with Joel Bennett, Ph.D., President and founder of OWLS (Organizational Wellness and Learning Systems) via the NWI (National Wellness Institute). The course was called "Resilience and Thriving: The Secret Power of Stress". It certified me to facilitate workshops in resilience, working through stress to empower ourselves to thrive, and was eye-opening in so many ways. The book that accompanied the course was called Raw Coping Power: From Stress to Thriving (also written by Dr. Bennett) and offered insight to not only how our brains and bodies process stress, but also to the fact that we have the innate ability to deal with it. We can teach ourselves to thrive from it if we are willing to look at things a bit differently, work through these problems, and approach this with intention. All of this really got me thinking...
Failure as the end of something. Failure as the negative force. What if we allowed these interpretations of this concept to fall away, or rather, be changed? I have been as guilty as any in feeling that I have failed and that it is a negative experience. The more I self-reflect, learn, and allow myself to think differently, however, the more I realize that you can’t grow without some failure. More than that, we can and should make failure a lesson to be cherished. I’ve certainly learned a lot from just learning, but learning from screwing things up is an entirely different plain of understanding. In fact, I have screwed things up—pretty badly—only to discover that the object gained was better than the original plan. This isn‘t to suggest that I have failed or messed up and never wanted things to go differently. Rather, in those times, when I have allowed myself to examine, reflect, learn, and move forward, I have always been better for it, despite some cuts and bruises, ego or otherwise. I never said it wasn’t humbling...
I could site examples of failed relationships, failure to nail down a career or calling, and getting to adulthood feeling like I have more questions about myself than answers. However, I’ll stick with something that I know I can talk about and that most others can relate to; food.
The last several months (yep, I obsess over recipes for months 🙃), I have been concocting and dreaming of the perfect vegan, healthy, scrumptious dessert (tasting) Rice Crispie treat. My list of musts was a mile long: no artificial ingredients, no processed sugars, had to have whole grains, protein, etc. Oh! And it had to be delicious. No big deal. I got this.
So after months of contemplation, acquiring the perfect ingredients, and researching successful recipes that needed tweaking to my list of musts (see above), last week I decided that the time had come. I opted to make a double batch. I tried to calculate properly, anticipated the need for additional stickiness and moisture due to adding a clean protein powder, adjusted time in the heating phase due to ingredient changes, and tried to flex when the mixture just didn't seem to be sticking together enough.
After getting this concoction into two separate parchment paper-lined dishes, pressing them in, and even putting them in the freezer to set, it came to that moment of truth. I turned one batch out onto a plate and got our biggest, sharpest knife to cut them into little squares.
What I got were some squares that crumbled underneath, some that halfway stuck together, and others that fell into piles of crunchy rubble. After all the planning, careful ingredient selections, and attempting to flex and anticipate changes needed, it just didn't work. Kitchen fail.
I took a breath and stuck a pile of rubble into a container. The squares that half stuck together got smushed back into the pan. Back into the refrigerator they went. It was time to move on to my workout for the day and to re-contemplate my recipe's lack of stickiness and my life (ok--a bit dramatic).
After a good weight session and some good ol' endorphins, I felt a lot better. I needed some healthy nutrition. When I came into the kitchen, there was my husband, my biggest supporter, and the one who is always (ALWAYS) willing to try even the most off-putting looking things you can imagine. I thought, well, here we go. I decided that the crumbled mess could be an extremely healthy version of granola. Perfect. Waste not, want not. I told the hubs if he could keep a square from crumbling in his hand, he was welcome to try the latest kitchen disaster for himself. As I topped my Greek yogurt with my new granola, I heard a muffled, full-mouthed, "Ohmmmurrgosh... This is literally the best things you've ever made."
Hmmmph. Take that, failure! I just need more sticky. That's all.
Later, I crumpled some would-be squares into some wax paper, went to my sisters, and put them in her freezer in an attempt to keep them together. I told her about the attempt and that the flavor turned out well. As she picked through the crumbling rubble, she echoed the same..."This is my favorite thing you've ever made".
Both of these comments helped me remember to pause and reassess this "failure." Just because this hadn't turned out the way my mind had envisioned didn't mean it was necessarily a disaster. What if it had been a disaster? Would I give up? No. I would brush off the loss and head back to the kitchen.
This example clearly has far less impact than true disaster or trauma. The concepts and lessons we can learn, however, are something that we can practice and take into other areas of our lives. This speaks to our resilience. "Fall down Seven times, and stand up eight" is a saying from a Japanese proverb. While I do advocate for balance and that we should allow ourselves to let go of things not truly meant for us, I still think about this notion as a very positive influence. This is tenacity. This is grit. This is alive in all of us!
We will face adversity. Things will not always go as planned. Our crispie treats will crumble sometimes. Let's allow these experiences to provide us opportunities to learn, grow, and propel us to develop ourselves further.
The photo with this blog here is of my aforementioned (delicious) failure, crumbled atop some Greek yogurt. I will be back at this recipe and will find a way to make it work...I will conquer the crispies! I leave you with a short video talk that I recorded some time ago. If you want to talk more about failing forward, please reach out. I really do believe that you've got this!
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